hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
