My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He passed out mid-signature
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
