I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
