four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
