Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize