what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
