The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
