So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
