This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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