I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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