I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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