it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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