He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
