Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
kristin has been a bad kristin
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
