I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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