these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
