we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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