Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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