come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
