We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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