i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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