i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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