friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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