I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
