Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
