and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize