just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize