Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
