Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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