Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
