i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
