Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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