i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize