I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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