he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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