dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
