its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
