All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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