Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
