I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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