i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
