i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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