I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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