I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
