i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize