I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
