Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize