He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
