I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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