Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
