whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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