all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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