I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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