i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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