You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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