That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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