Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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