i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize