So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
