believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
