I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
