the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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