Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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