Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
