I look better un-naked...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize