Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize